So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My vagina is officially offended.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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