Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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