It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
