I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
