i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
