I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
