I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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