he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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