What did we do last night that was yellow?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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