uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
