Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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