I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
