Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
