I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
