We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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