Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
