he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
