If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
