Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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