What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
