Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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