She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
