just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
