Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
