Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
