What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
