I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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