And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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