he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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