dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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