STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
