I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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