I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
do nipples grow back?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
