He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
