I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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