HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
