why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
