She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
