I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
