Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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