I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
