pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Is it because I queefed?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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