I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
