Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
