this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
