The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
