You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
