He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
