so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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