you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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