Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
