I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
