this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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